Becoming Your Own Best Friend
Taking control by embracing loneliness
I never thought of myself as a lonely person. Back home, I had two parents who are still together, an older brother who was always around but was never really close to, and plenty of friends. Sure, they came and went, but I remember always having someone to call my best friend around.
Then, I moved abroad to study in The Netherlands, and everything changed. Moving abroad was the first place, I had the opportunity to be myself. I finally had the chance to explore my identity, and in doing so, I went through different friendships and groups. At first, I lingered around people from my hometown who also moved to The Netherlands. However, I always felt like something was missing. After experiencing drama, disappointments, and betrayals, I just wanted to find a place where I could truly fit in—a place where I wouldn’t feel weird and could be myself.
There were times when I sat alone and found comfort in myself. I would write in my journal, pouring out my feelings as if i’m writing a letter from myself to myself. I let all my emotions flow, crying and writing. "When my world feels heavy and my emotions are drowning, I turn to you. You are the witness of my unspoken fears and the keeper of my untold dreams," I would write.
I think that’s when I truly embraced being alone. I became comfortable and felt safe within my solitude, even in agony. I learned to be my own best friend and discovered a deep trust in myself that I never had before.
Dining alone was the first way I learned to do things solo. As a vegan, I often had no choice but to eat out alone, and it became my hobby to explore restaurants. You eat what you want whenever you want to.
This independence extended to other activities like Cinema. I have a Cineville subscription no one to share my love of cinema with, so I started going alone. I enjoyed it. It felt weird at first, but soon I found myself going every day. Concerts were the hardest. I was mainly embarrassed to show up alone. The first time I went to a concert solo, I was nervous but as the music started it turned out fine. Then there were comedy shows, ballet, and opera. It all became easier.
Traveling solo was one my biggest solo activity i’ve done. I wasn’t going to wait around for my friends to live my dreams of traveling and I always dreamed of visiting the Amalfi Coast. Although it wasn’t the most solo-friendly destination, I still went and enjoyed it. I have traveled to Paris alone multiple times to meet friends, but this trip was different, it was far and I truly didn’t know anybody. I still had the freedom to do whatever I want to do whenever I want to do it. It turned out to be an amazing memory with myself.
Through these experiences, I realized that I don’t wait around in life for anyone to do things with me because if I did, I wouldn't be doing anything I wanted to do. I think that's how I became my own best friend.
As we go through an epidemic of loneliness, I've realized the importance of community. I can write about the art of loneliness and tell you how amazing it is to be alone but the truth is it’s not always amazing , I don't always have the power to help myself especially while I struggle with my mental health, there are times where I feel lonely, there are times where I miss having a best friend by my side all the time and that reminds me how having friends and family is important, especially when living abroad.
Someone once told me how important it is to have good friends while you live abroad because they practically become your family. Having people to lean on is crucial. It's not a sign of weakness, but just our inherent need for connection and support. The song "Lean on Me" by Bill Withers is a song i’ll very much cry to, it reminds me that even though I value my independence, it's okay to lean on others when needed.
Despite having parents I can always call when feeling lonely, two friends I can tell everything to, and a boyfriend I talk to every day, I am still a lonely person. I’m picky about my surroundings, perhaps because I haven't found my space of belonging yet. I think always being different and having completely different interests than all the friends i’ve ever had, has made me become lonely. I don’t think I had many choices in that.
I always let my friends know that I’m going somewhere, and if they don’t want to join, that’s fine. It never stops me from going. It has given me a different type of independence. I don’t rely on anybody in my life, not that I can’t, but perhaps I chose to take control of my own life?
It’s about making choices that align with my values and desires, regardless of other people their expectations or availability. It’s deciding to live my life on my own terms. This independence has given me a sense of freedom and empowerment I never really had before. But, it has also made me realize the value of having people to lean on when you really need it. Taking control of my own life means having the courage to do things alone, but knowing when to reach out and connect with others.